I have been debating sharing this for a long time, but a friend’s Facebook status yesterday reminded me why I wrote this down in the first place. This post may offend some as it does contain my crazy sense of … Continue reading
A line in a song, a riff in a melody, sometimes it just takes you back to a special place in time. I love music. I live my life to the lyrics in a song (or maybe songs are just written about me really often). Some songs bring me right back to a memory of a time in my life that make me smile & some make me burst out in laughter.
Into the Mystic by Van Morrison is no different.
Let me take a you back a few years…
I was tending bar at a local club. We played all sorts of music. One night, I heard a song that I had never heard before. That song was (you guessed it) Into the Mystic.
The melody was beautiful and the words struck me right to the core, but it was what happened next that I remember most vividly.
I looked out into the bar and there it was. A vision I will never forget. Mystic dancing on stage. She danced so beautifully as she interpreted the dance. The way she worked the pole to the ever-so-sensual beat of the song. And I wanna rock your gypsy soul…
So I may have left out a few details. The “club” I was tending bar at was a strip club. Mystic, the dancer, was a stripper. And now, a beautiful, romantic song has this fantastic memory associated with it.
You get zero percent of the chances you don’t take. Who said that?! I don’t know, but it sounds pretty good.
These months leading up to August are pretty big for me in the sense that the last time I sat down and created my “5 year plan” (or rough sketch, if you will) was almost 5 years ago. Moving away from home, graduating from college, finding myself…all part of the “plan”. The past 5 years have certainly had their share of ups and downs, but regardless, I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I have experienced love like I had never seen before, not only in romantic relationships, but also in family, friendships, and of course, myself. I experienced true heartbreak for the first time and overcame severe depression (that I kept extremely secret, until now). I have learned to live life for me and no one else. With that mentality, some people have walked away, but the ones that matter have stuck it out and accepted that. I have also experienced things that I never thought I would and am extremely grateful for.
Today, I had a little “coming-to-Jesus” with myself during a run (and by little, I mean the skies opened, baby angels sang, & Jesus was right there in his tuxedo t-shirt).
Side note: if you’ve never run through a FL hurricane season afternoon shower, let me give you a little description. Imagine running on a treadmill, not going anywhere, while an industrial fan blows tiny shards of glass at your body. That’s what its like, not even kidding.
I made some big decisions and thought about my next 5 years. Anyone who knows me, knows that I give 100% to everything I do. Half-assed is never a way to describe my work. I have a lot of wants and goals to achieve. So, to the next 5 years, we’ll be together for some time, so get ready for me to make you my bitch.
H.L. Miller is probably my favorite blogger out there due to the fact that her thoughts & my thoughts are exactly the same. For a good laugh, check this post out.
Someone contact the mental hospital ASAP if I run into any of these men during my lifetime.
I am going to need to be sedated.
I’m not joking.
10. Matthew McConaughey.
I was never a huge McConaughey fan until Dallas Buyers Club and True Detective. Matt never really amused me in any of his romantic comedies and I thought his acting was horrible. His physical perfection caught my attention during Magic Mike, can’t lie. His tan, greased up body was a turn on, but what was an bigger turn on was his decision to stop acting in shitty movies. I literally became obsessed with him after True Detective. The strangest thing that attracted me to Matthew McConaughey was his hair. His hair was styled so perfectly in True Detective, the camera focusing in on a strand of his luscious curls wandering aimlessly across his gorgeous face…
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…met. That night Jo Koy & I met. Geez, where was your mind headed?!
Looking for a good time? Well look no further.
When I was growing up, my parents never gave my brother and I any kind of restrictions on what we were exposed to. Some might consider it bad parenting, but considering we were good kids who graduated high school & never got caught doing anything illegal (I can’t speak for my brother, but there’s probably a few things I could plead the fifth about.), I’d say they didn’t do too bad of a job. Aside from R-rated movies (My movie of choice at 5 years old was Boyz N The Hood, scout’s honor. Isn’t that what little girls are supposed to watch?!), my dad LOVED comedy. Some of my fondest childhood memories were made with my dad & uncle sitting around a campfire listening to all the great comedians. We’d listen to George Carlin and his seven dirty words (I’ll choose to filter my blog this time & not include ####, ####, ####, ####, ##########, ############, and ####. Although, that last one is not that bad. You can click on the link and discover them yourself). I’d giggle away knowing full well I’d get in trouble for most of those words if they’d come out of my mouth. Then of course Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, Red Peters, and the list goes on and on. To this day, my dad will share new comedians with me along with his own brand of humor & jokes (“Have you heard the one about the 12 inch pianist?” “Yes, dad. I’ve been able to recite it back since I was 7.”). Naturally, I have continued to carry my interest in comedy well into my adulthood. From my own quirky, quick-witted, sarcastic sense of humor, you can easily see that I love to laugh, often at the most innappropriate times, & find enjoyment in making others laugh.
One thing I had always wanted to do was see stand up at the Improv. If you’re a fan of comedy, you watch Comedy Central over and over and see all these great comedians performing there. Back home (in Massachusetts), there weren’t many places to catch comedy acts aside from the Hukelau (woooooo, Chicopee!). I did get to see Jim Breuer there once. While it was good, it’s not the Improv. I’ve also seen Dane Cook at Boston Garden 3 times and while it was fun & I was a huge fan at the time, it’s not the Improv.
I had lived in Tampa for over 4 years & finally one day I did a search to see who was on the schedule at the Tampa Improv in Ybor City. Much to my surprise, one of my favorite comedians was scheduled to be there in a few months, so I immediately recruited one of my girlfriends who had never done the Improv or even knew of the comedian. That comedian was Jo Koy.
[For a little taste of Jo’s comedy, click here.]
I can’t remember where I had seen him first (his first Comedy Central special or on Chelsea Lately), but I have always loved his comedy. Jo’s style of comedy is very easy to get into, because his jokes are based on real life events which makes it relatable. He is also extremely animated which makes it difficult not to get into his jokes. The Improv’s atmosphere is amazing. It’s very intimate, while it still holds quite a few people. We did have the VIP package tickets (hairflip, just kidding), because I splurged with it being my first time and all. Our table was right up against the stage and we went to the first of 5 shows.
First off, the music that was playing while everyone was being seated was off the hook. Classic 90’s hip hop & R&B (I won’t deny the fact that I grew up a hood rat. Do we remember Boyz N The Hood?!) I later discovered that the music was arranged by DJ Ryan Live. The opening act was a comedian by the name of James Ponce. I had only known of James from listening to The Michael Yo and Jo Koy Show podcast [available on iTunes: download & subscribe]. He was great. He got the crowd pumped up with his original material and definitely made me a fan with that single performance. Then, it was time for Jo. My biggest worry (due to previous comedy experiences) was that he would have material that would repeat and I’d know most of the jokes. This was definitely not the case. He came out and killed it. He performed for well over 2 hours. I won’t give away too many details, because I think people should certainly experience it for themselves. That night will remain in my memory bank for a long time to come.
If you’re in the Orlando area, Jo Koy will be back in town for a 5 show engagement, May 29 thru June 1, at the Orlando Improv. For ticket information, visit http://www.orlandoimprov.com. I’m sure Jo will be bringing the rest of his friends along as well (James Ponce, Beau Bowker, & DJ Ryan Live). You can find more about Jo Koy here and also on Twitter & Instagram @jokoy.
This is not a post for the faint of heart & rated a mere PG-13. You might as well learn early on that I have no filter. This post will be a prime example of this exact lesson & may even bring you a few of those giggles that I promised in my intro.
So I bought a deal over a year ago for a Brazilian wax. I never used it & since it didn’t expire, I decided to get my monies worth & give it a shot. I have only ever had my eyebrows waxed & I’ll be honest, that’s pretty much nothing when you’ve done it for a while. The hair is also tends to be a lot thinner in your brows than your lady bits (guys, just take my word on it).
I arrived at the salon early. The waiting area playing Coldplay. Coffee, tea, water, snacks, all readily available. However, unless I wanted to induce vomiting from nervousness, I was not touching any of it. I sat down, filled out the disclaimer, & proceeded to wait while playing around on my phone. (Side note: thank you sweet baby Jesus for technology.)
The 15 minutes I waited felt like an hour. Finally (but not really finally, because it wasn’t THAT long of a wait), I got taken back to my private room. Here’s where the fun began. First off, the woman did not question whether I had ever done this kind of thing before, so the look of confusion on my face when she handed me what looked like a tampon must’ve been the key factor. This “tampon” was actually a pair of underwear. Really?!?! If you’re going for a Brazilian wax, it’s pretty much assumed that the person doing it is probably going to see everything. I mean, really I hope they are, because closing your eyes and applying hot wax to an area of high sensitivity is not exactly my cup of tea. If Stevie Wonder were the person performing this service, I surely wouldn’t have volunteered. Modesty during this situation is completely thrown to the wind. Any who, she left me to “change” privately. Upon returning, she informed me that some areas would be more sensitive than others. Oh, really?! I certainly thought that applying hot wax & ripping hair from the root would be a pleasant experience, so this is not what I signed up for. One word comes to mind: torture.
Remember the scene in 40-year-old Virgin when Steve Carell gets waxed and yells obscenities? Had I lacked in self-control, that would have been me. Luckily, my nerves were wound so tight that I couldn’t stop laughing every time it hurt. I also may have jumped 6 inches off the table upon occasion. After all was said & done, or so I thought, she proceeds to tell me to put my legs straight up in the air & hold behind my knees. Yeah?! Umm. Ok. Nervously, feeling somewhat more violated than I had for the past 20 minutes, I abided by the instructions. This is the point where laughing became uncontrollable. So I embraced it and stared at my knees.
How people do this job for a living is beyond me. But then again, getting to consciously torture people probably has its perks. I can honestly say, as much as it hurt, I will most definitely do it again.
I hope you enjoyed taking time out of your day to laugh at my crazy antics and I hope that you’ll return again soon! Keep on dreaming!
“Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.” ~ Chelsea Handler