I haven’t written [here] in so long, but to my readers, I am still alive. It’s been a tough year. My soul and my heart have been challenged more than ever. Today is Thanksgiving and I have a lot to be thankful for.
First off is life. As my 32nd year earthside approaches, I can’t help but reflect on everything that has happened in this lifetime. If I were to read a letter to myself written 15, 10, even 5 years ago, I don’t think I’d recognize that person. I almost didn’t have this ability, but “someone” was certainly looking out for me and I am forever grateful for that. With that, I closed off a lot of myself from the outside world. I dug deep into my soul and connected with my maker. There are spiritual things that I can’t even begin to describe, because even to the most open of minds, they sound insane [myself, included]. I am just starting to emerge and it has been an awakening. This has blessed me careerwise as well, but that is still a complete work in progress.
Second is love. This is not necessarily romantic even though there is involvement. I learned to love myself again. Self-love is hard. The person most critical of your flaws, your goals, your actions, is YOU. I got back into a healthy lifestyle and it connects back to that whole spirit thing. I have also experienced my very own seasons of love this year. I loved someone who loved me, but yet couldn’t commit to something. It took some time to realize and admit, but it wasn’t meant to be. I know it had to happen to lead up to the present. It forced me to come out of my shell, go on dates, experience the good (& the bad) that goes along with that, but above all it cleared my mind and showed me the caliber of a relationship that I deserve and desire. It gave me confidence to speak my mind rather than be passive and fall into something just because it was there in front of me. It’s then that something somewhat magical just might happen. You just might choose to go to a party, even though you’re exhausted & would much rather sleep, to find something you didn’t know you were looking for. Something that makes you want to be a better person. Something that actually makes you want to take risks. Something that makes that commitment-phobe that you’ve known for so long go running for the hills. New beginnings are beautiful and I just want to embrace every second I have.
Last, but not least, is companionship. I say it this way, because this year has taught me that just because someone is blood doesn’t mean they are family and just because someone isn’t blood doesn’t mean they are not. Family is who you hold closest to you. The ones that sacrifice for you, support you, build you up, embrace you for all your faults. I’ve let go of a lot of friendships & family relationships, because they were so negative. You are not forced in this life to walk the path you are given. Everyone you encounter plays a part, but most are seasonal. They all have their own time frame. They blossom, they bloom, they fall, they lay dormant, and they either blossom again or they end. I am grateful for both scenarios. Yes, it can be hard to adjust to endings, but once your mind clears, you realize their purpose.
I have a lot to be grateful for and if you’re reading this, so do you.